Why is trauma therapy so exhausting? (And Why That’s Actually a Good Sign)
- Rachel Hansen
- Jul 7
- 5 min read
Many people come to therapy not knowing what to expect. Relief can happen pretty quickly, and it’s also common to feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and even a little confused about why healing feels so demanding. Trauma-focused therapy can feel challenging, and often that's actually a sign that deep healing is happening. If you feel discouraged or just curious, keep reading to learn more.
What Happens in Trauma-Focused Therapy?
In trauma-focused therapy, we’re not just talking about what happened to you. We’re helping your brain and nervous system process experiences that may have been too overwhelming, painful, or unsafe to fully feel at the time.
Trauma-focused therapy often involves:
Identifying core beliefs that were shaped by past experiences (“I’m not safe,” “I’m not enough,” “It’s my fault”).
Accessing traumatic memories in a safe, controlled environment so your brain can reprocess the meanings associated with them.
Using specialized techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic therapy, or parts work to help regulate the nervous system while doing this work.
Your brain is doing something very real, very complex: it’s untangling long-held patterns of survival, making sense of painful experiences, and creating new pathways for emotional regulation.
I'm Not Calling You a Dog... But...
I have two dogs who are getting up in their senior years. When they were puppies I spent a lot of time training them to behave and do tricks. Being a perfectionist myself, I learned everything I could about training dogs during this time. One thing I learned surprised me: how much energy it takes for a dog to “sit” and “stay.”
The “sit” command required focus and tuning in to my voice. The “stay” command required them to override all their instinctive impulses to move, chase, or explore. After just a few rounds of these mental exercises, they’d start yawning and need a nap. Even though it looked simple, that level of focus was mentally exhausting for them.
In many ways, trauma therapy is similar. Clients often tell me they feel sleepy or they yawn during sessions (especially with EMDR). That’s because they’re spending an hour deeply tuning in and listening to their bodies, noticing their thoughts, resisting the instinctive urge to judge themselves or spiral into old patterns. It’s not just emotional work, it’s neurological work. And yes, it’s tiring!
Why Is Trauma Therapy So Hard?
You’re facing what you once had to avoid.
Often the need to survive trauma teaches us to avoid, numb, or disconnect from pain. Therapy asks us to carefully and safely turn toward it.
Your nervous system is working overtime.
When you process trauma, your body is actively shifting out of old survival states. Whether you were stuck in hyper-vigilance, people-pleasing, dissociation, or emotional shutdown, your nervous system is learning something new.
You’re unlearning lifelong patterns.
Many trauma survivors develop coping mechanisms that helped them survive but aren’t sustainable long-term (perfectionism, control, self-blame, avoidance). Therapy invites you to release those patterns, which can feel destabilizing at first even if you know intellectually it’s the right thing.
Emotional vulnerability is exhausting.
Trusting a therapist, allowing yourself to be fully seen, and accessing emotions you’ve long suppressed is beautiful, but it’s also tiring, especially in the beginning.
It’s important to remember that healing from trauma isn’t a straight line. You may experience setbacks, uncomfortable emotions, or stretches where it feels like nothing’s happening. This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working, it means your brain and body are integrating deep changes at a pace you can handle.
If you’re on this journey, know that feeling exhausted is not a sign you’re failing but a sign you’re doing meaningful work. I'm here to walk with you through every part of that journey, at a pace that feels safe and sustainable. Schedule a free consultation to learn more about trauma-focused therapy and how it can support your healing.
FAQ and Common Doubts People Have About Trauma Therapy
1️⃣ “What if I don’t remember my trauma clearly?”
Many people worry they can’t do trauma therapy because they don’t have clear memories or specific details. I use an EMDR protocol called "blind to therapist" for things you don't want to say out loud or things you can't remember. The body and nervous system hold pieces of trauma even if the cognitive memory is fuzzy and you don't have to talk about what you don't want to in order to heal (really!).
2️⃣ “What if I get worse before I get better?”
Some fear that opening up old wounds will make things worse. While some discomfort is normal as painful material comes up, good trauma therapy is carefully paced to keep you within your window of tolerance so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
3️⃣ “Is it normal to feel numb or disconnected in sessions?”
Yes. Sometimes people expect to feel a big emotional release every time, but numbing or emotional disconnection can be part of your nervous system’s way of protecting you, and that’s something we gently work with over time.
4️⃣ “Why do I feel worse on random days, even between sessions?”
As your brain integrates new material, emotional waves can come up at unexpected times. This is often your system processing in the background, and it’s normal for emotions to resurface even outside of therapy. I teach grounding and resourcing tools that you can use to help regulate and feel your emotions outside of therapy without becoming overwhelmed.
5️⃣ “What if I cry or fall apart in therapy?”
Many clients fear losing control in front of their therapist. But trauma therapy is designed to create safety for exactly those emotions. In fact, allowing yourself to feel is a vital part of healing.
6️⃣ “Why is this taking so long?”
Trauma therapy is not usually a quick fix (EMDR is a faster therapy than talk therapy). Your nervous system works at a pace that protects you and sometimes that feels slow, but slow, steady work is usually more sustainable and effective than rushing.
7️⃣ “Am I too broken for therapy to work?”
This is one of the deepest fears many people hold. But trauma therapy is based on the understanding that your brain and body are incredibly resilient and capable of healing, no matter how deeply hurt you’ve been.
8️⃣ “What if I feel better and then feel bad again?”
Healing isn’t linear. Feeling better for a while and then having a setback doesn’t mean you’ve lost progress. It’s often part of deeper layers of healing emerging.
9️⃣ “How do I know therapy is actually working?”
Sometimes the changes are subtle: sleeping a little better, reacting less strongly to triggers, having more self-compassion, or noticing you recover more quickly after emotional setbacks. These small shifts add up.
🔟 “What if my trauma isn’t that bad?”
Many people minimize their experiences because “others have had it worse.” But trauma isn’t a competition. What matters is how your nervous system experienced and adapted to what happened. Even events that may seem “small” can have a profound impact if they overwhelmed your capacity to cope at the time. If it’s affecting you now, it’s worth addressing in therapy.
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